The Elephant In The Room

As the world knows, entertainer Whitney Houston passed away unexpectedly Saturday afternoon, 2/11/12. Her official cause of death has not yet been disclosed but everyone has their philosophies and assumptions. The official story is that she was found submerged in the bathtub in her hotel room and by the time she was discovered and removed, she was already dead. The real question seems to be, "Was she high/medicated/under the influence?" and did that contribute to the the possibility of her drowning or was her body so ravaged by the prior drug abuse that her heart may have given out? It will all be speculation until the toxicology report from her autopsy comes back in about a month. In the meantime, the tongues will wag and the rumors will fly.

Whitney Houston became popular in the mid 80s and stayed on the music charts a good 15 years before she began her descent into public mediocrity. This was a shame because there was nothing mediocre about Whitney Houston's talent. Nothing. Say what you will about how she conducted her private life but Whitney Houston had a gift. All you have to do is listen to recordings of her singing the National Anthem live, at the 1991 Super Bowl, to see that. And the string of Number 1 hits she left in her wake will continue to be a tribute to her legacy.

Whitney Houston's battle with drug abuse is no secret. When you are a world famous celebrity there aren't too many secrets you can keep, especially when it comes to substances that alter one's behavior. Her involvement with drugs most notably came to light after she married singer Bobby Brown. There are a lot of people who want to point fingers and lay blame at Brown, at the music industry, at unscrupulous doctors who will prescribe anyone anything if the price is right. But what if Whitney Houston's narcotic downfall had deeper roots, roots that could have been tended in a much more positive manner?

What if...?

What if the real elephant in the room was her having to suppress her alleged sexual orientation and that led her to start abusing drugs to numb her not being allowed to be who she was supposed to be?

Rumors were rampant early in her career that she was a lesbian and had a relationship with 'personal assistant,' Robyn Crawford. Those rumors persisted no matter how many times she adamantly denied she was gay. There are usually reasons why certain rumors won't die.

In 1989, she hooked up with then 'bad boy' Bobby Brown at the Soul Train Awards. She married him in 1992 and seven months later they had a daughter. It was asserted, via the Hollywood 'grapevine', that Brown was on the down low and that they married each other as a beard. In one interview, she said she married Brown to clean up her image (supposedly meaning putting a stop to the dogged gay rumors). If you truly want to "clean up your image," the last thing you should do is affiliate yourself with a person whose reputation is less than sterling before you even met (but that's my humble opinion). Anyway, if she had been abusing narcotics before Brown came into her life, it was kept very quiet. Her noticeable involvement with recreational drugs came into visibility soon after her marriage. Within a few years, her life seemed to have spiraled out of control, to the point where she no longer had command over that magnificent instrument known as her voice. She stopped being in demand and for an entertainer, that's the worst failure of all. When divas fall, they break; its never pretty and there are always those that take particular glee in the extremely public debacle. Whitney Houston was no exception and by the time she returned to the public eye, it was in the train wreck of a reality show, "Being Bobby Brown." Anyone who watched an episode of that show could see how mismatched and dysfunctional these two people were and whatever shred of dignity Whitney Houston may have had before the show was lost soon after its premiere.

I don't blame Bobby Brown or the music industry or the unethical doctors or any other parasite that may have attached itself to Whitney Houston's underside for her downfall and eventual death. Despite all the temptations and easy 'gets' the entertainment industry provides name celebrities when they are at the top of their game, the choices that are made and the consequences of those choices lay with the individual.

Here comes the 'what if/elephant in the room' scenario. What if the real reason why Whitney Houston wanted to numb her life with drugs and alcohol is something her family, friends and professional colleagues don't want to publicly talk about? What if Whitney Houston really was a lesbian who truly and deeply loved her 'personal assistant' and all she wanted was to entertain and be free to be who she really was? What if, when she became famous, she was forced to stay in her little closet and couldn't openly share her spotlight and life with the one person she really wanted to? What if, because of pressure from her family, friends, colleagues, community and publicists who promised her she would lose it all if she acknowledged her sexuality (because, after all, in show biz, image is everything), she chose to be the person everyone wanted her to be? What if, after years of the denial and living a facade, the only way she could cope with having to hide and lie was to turn to narcotics and alcohol? Is that an excuse for substance abuse? No...but it might be the reason. What if Whitney Houston had been promoted only for her enormous talent and everything else about her was off limits? What if she had been discovered in the 21st Century instead of 30 years ago? And if she had been discovered in the last few years and there was never any question about her orientation and she had been open about her sexuality from the beginning - would she have still been Whitney Houston? Or would the stigma of homosexuality and the shame from her community still have halted her from becoming the superstar she did?

Now, people might say, 'What's the big deal about being gay?' Well, it's less of a big deal now than it was in the 80s. Coming out as a lesbian now is almost considered a fashion statement in the entertainment industry. There are several open, known LGBT performers and, for the most part, no one cares and it does nothing to inhibit record or box office sales. In the 80s - as in previous years - even the hint of homosexuality could stall a career in its tracks. You could be the most talented, gorgeous person on the face of the planet but if your personal life contradicted who you were supposedly singing those love songs to or acting those love scenes with, you were a "one hit wonder" and possibly, not even that. To add to that, AIDS was a big scare and considered a 'gay' disease and the entertainment industry distanced itself from anyone who even jokingly had "light in the loafers" rumors going around about them. So anyone who personally identified as LGBT and wanted a successful career either had to keep their private life completely concealed from the public or hook up with someone of the opposite sex who had the same thing going on and enter into a contract relationship.

What would have made this even more difficult for Whitney Houston is that she was African-American. Many of my gay and lesbian African American friends tell me that a majority of the African American community is traditional and spiritual and they see homosexuality as a "white person's perversion" which is why many blacks who are gay - men, especially - live life on the down low. People who distinguish themselves as Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual or Transgender are still at risk of being shunned by not only society but their own families as well but the African-American community takes the rejection a notch higher because it's considered a betrayal from a religious standpoint and a cultural standpoint. So, not only did Whitney Houston have to face possible rejection from her family but also from her community had she fought for her right to be honest with the public. It's easy, when you are forced to live a public lie in a goldfish bowl, knowing you are expected to maintain a certain decorum and inside you're are crumbling to pieces from the unhappiness, to reach for anything that helps neutralize that bitterness. It's easy to allow something 'not good for you' to become a habit when that something dulls the emotional and psychological torment of living such a destructive lie.

Looking back over Whitney Houston's career, should it have made a difference whether or not she was a lesbian? No. Would it have made a difference? Yes and, apparently (allegedly), it did.

The elephant in the room is a metaphor for an obvious truth that is being ignored or goes unaddressed, an issue or problem no one wants to discuss even though, like an actual elephant in a room, would be impossible to overlook. It is an expression used about people who consciously choose to avoid dealing with a looming, controversial issue usually too embarrassing or taboo to confront. If Whitney Houston was indeed a closeted lesbian who turned to drugging and drinking to make her life tolerable in able to deal with what the public demanded of her but no one in the know will disclose that, that is an elephant in the room. And that is unacceptable.

If she had been accepted and nurtured regardless of her alleged orientation, would the outcome have been tragically the same? Well, we'll never know but my guess is that it would not. Yes, she may have been less popular in her own community (don't think so? Try researching the opinions of the California African American community regarding Proposition 8: http://abcnews.go.com/Entertainment/prop-sparks-gay-black-divide/story?id=6284348&page=2#.TzrZFZg_aME ) and yes, she may have run into a few walls but you cannot deny that voice, that voice that breathed fire into so many of her songs and that voice may have trumped many prejudices. She may not have reached the height of superstardom that she achieved by being closeted but her music still would have been popular. She may have been a little less wealthy but she might have been not addicted, happy and still alive to move on to a different phase of her career and her success.

She never abandoned her gospel roots, her faith, her loyalty and devotion to her church, her family or her fans (she angered them when she couldn't sing as well anymore but she still showed up to put on a show). If she had "come out,"would her family, her church, her community and her fans have abandoned her? Certainly not her gay fans but due to the harsh reality of how society (especially conservative black society) views homosexuality, chances are a good portion of her straight fans would have deserted her. She no longer would have been Whitney Houston, she would have been Whitney Houston, the lesbian singer. It wasn't just her image that was at stake, her name was tied to her mother's (gospel singer Cissy Houston), her cousin's (Dionne Warwick) and her godmother's (Aretha Franklin) so if she had "outed" herself, everyone would have been sacrificed to some degree. With that hanging over her head, it's pretty easy to guess why she didn't/wouldn't come out.

Celebrity has its rewards but it also has a price. As wild and crazy as the entertainment industry can be, they still stay within the safety zone and play to middle-America, bible belt values. Gene Anthony Ray (Leroy Johnson in "Fame") was "hot" until he leapt out of the closet (or was it a grand jeté?). He went from being a potential movie star to playing the same role on television until he was fired from that. He was not in demand at the end of his life. Jermaine Stewart was popular until his hit song "You Don't Have To Take Your Clothes Off" (once deemed the gayest video/song on the planet) showed the world his true self. He cut a few more albums and toured but it was steadily downhill from there. Actor Howard Rollins (Virgil Tibbs on TV's "In The Heat Of The Night") tried to keep his homosexuality out of the public eye, even though his orientation was well known in Hollywood. When he died of AIDS-related lymphoma, his fans found out what his peers already knew. As for living African-American celebrities who are gay? Tracy Chapman still gets shunned by mainstream black media. Meshell N'Degeocello, one of the most talented musicians in the industry, is pretty much ignored. Queen Latifah won't confirm nor deny. Wanda Sykes had already established her career before coming out. Then there are the suspected "Down Low" crew (of which Whitney and Bobby allegedly belonged) who will never acknowledge anything because they know that gay and lesbian African Americans are still relegated to the back of the bus by their own traditionalist community. For any of them to even hint at a desire toward the same sex would be career suicide.

So...

IF Whitney Houston was addicted because, allegedly, her sexuality was repressed, it needs to be made public, acknowledged and dealt with. This kind of "elephant in the room" needs to be stared in the eye. If you are helping to stifle someone's greatness and freedom because you aren't comfortable with who they are, or you think others won't approve that is your problem, not that person's. No one should have to live a lie, no one should have to forfeit their happiness to align with someone else's agenda. You wouldn't do it for them, why should they feel obligated to do that for you? We expect people to live up to our expectations without caring whether or not we live up to theirs.

If it comes out (pun intended) that Whitney was a lesbian, it won't change what she left behind. Her legacy speaks for itself. In that legacy is also a history of a flawed human being with, clearly, insurmountable demons but if what I suspect is true, none of those flaws or demons had anything to do with her orientation - only people's judgment of it.

And if this is true, who else's life will be diminished, ruined and cut short because of choices made to make others happy? What can we do to make it stop?

And if we can, will we?

Will it really get better?

Ladies and Gentlemen, We Have Ourselves A Film!

In my previous post, I spoke of flying to Burbank with dual purposes. One was to attend the "last" Xena Con and the other was to preview our film to people who donated money to IndieGoGo to see the film completed and entered into the short film festival circuit. A few of our contributors were also staunch Xena Warrior Princess fans so I thought the Con would be a perfect venue to give interested parties a sneak peek.

I arrived in Burbank on Friday afternoon, checked into my hotel (The Radisson) and then went directly to the Marriott, the host hotel for the Con. I walked in to see the adorable Julian Sears holding court in the vendor area of the Main Con Room lobby. From there I started looking for familiar faces. By dinnertime, I had rounded up a pretty decent-sized group to show the film to starting the next morning.

Saturday morning, I positioned myself in the lounge, next to the main lobby of the hotel. I stayed there all day (Creation Entertainment, the Con people, had events all day long so I wanted to ensure that stopping by to see the film was not interfering with anyone's con schedule) with the film ready to show and information about the film ready to distribute. By the end of the day, five groups of people had seen it and provided me with positive and constructive feedback. Even though I spent Sunday actually attending the Con, I still was able to show the film three more times that evening and twice the next morning before I went to the airport to leave Burbank.

I was especially grateful to the really good word-of-mouth reviews that spread to other Con attendees, who approached me, hoping to be able to see the film.

The general consensus was that our 21 minute film, "Survived by..." is powerful, not preachy and it says what it needs to say. Not bad for a first film with a budget of less than a thousand dollars (grip truck/camera rental and feeding the cast and crew) and I am proud to call it mine/ours. I guess the best comment, though, was all of the people who said, "Where and when can I buy it?"

That is not to say there wasn't criticism because there was. There are issues we can adjust and tweak and then there are one or two that we can't. The ones we can't were good points but in the grand scheme of things, won't make all that much difference in the overall theme of the film. The ones we can fix will be fixed before our local premiere and will, hopefully, make our little film that much better.

Our next list item is to arrange a local premiere so that the cast and crew are finally able to see the results of their hard work. Then we will distribute all the perks promised to the IndieGoGo fundraisers and then "Survived by..." will begin its journey on the film festival circuit.

Please visit our "Survived by..." home page:

http://survivedbyfilm.com/www.sbf.com/Home.html

Now...onto film #2...

;-)

Xena: The "Final" Journey...Until Next Year

On Friday, January 27, 2012, I flew to Burbank for the 17th and "final" Xena, Warrior Princess convention. I have the word final in quotations because it was widely advertised as the "last" Xena Con. I had only been to one, previously in 2008, and Brenda had been to a few in the Xena heyday, when the show was still on the air and the frenzy was palpable. So, while I decided to mix business with pleasure (more on that in another post), and - as many others - make the financial sacrifice to go (as it was to be the last, ever), Brenda made the decision to use her vacation time to visit her high school best friend in Florida, who is dying of cancer. For those who were wondering why she wasn't with me this time, that is the reason.

When I arrived at Con Central (the main conference room at the Burbank Airport Marriott Hotel), I was greeted with the information that Creation Entertainment (the people who host the Xena Con, among other fan-driven conventions) mentioned that they might do another Xena Con next year. Instantly, that put a bad taste in my mouth and since I only had a ticket for Sunday's events, I pretty much stayed away from the main room until Saturday night.

It was great to see friends I had made at the Con four years ago (and had not seen since) and to get together in the evenings to take over the lobby of the Marriott and relive the day's events vicariously through them. In the midst of the fun recollections of the panels and the fan favorites (it is safe to say that a majority of the Xena cast and crew are almost old friends with a majority of the con attendees), there was a grumbling about Creation Entertainment that I had not heard before. I was hearing that a lot of faithful con attendees - if they came back next year - would not purchase the most or more expensive seats. This was a shock as these were people who never missed out on anything Xena. When I asked why, I was told the same thing by many different people: more money for less perks and treatment of the attendees by certain members of the Creation Staff. Also, some were disappointed by the hype of the "final" convention, only to find that it appeared to be a scheme to get more ticket sales. A majority of the people (mostly women) who attend the Xena Conventions are not wealthy, by any means, and to them, Xena was more than just a television show, it was a lifeline (many won't understand that statement but many will). To use them in such a manner was, at the very least, unfair and off-putting. Hence, to hear the most faithful say they would not only not purchase the 'gold seats' next year but possibly not even attend, was a statement I never thought I'd hear from these people.

On Saturday night, I made my way to the main room to see how soon a friend would be ready to go grab some dinner. When I walked in, people were lined up to get photographs and other items personally autographed by Renee O'Connor (Gabrielle), who was seated at the edge of the stage. People paid at least $40 to get a "personal" autograph and yet, there was a Creation staff member roaming up and down the line, telling people that "nothing could be personalized" that they didn't have time as they had to set up for another event. Seriously? I'm glad I wasn't in that line because I would have told her (the staff member) to pack it in her ass. If I wanted an impersonally autographed photo, I could have walked outside to the vendor tables and bought one for $10 or gone online and bought one for $5. But in this economy, to tell people who spent money they really didn't have to get a personally autographed photo that they couldn't have that because Creation mismanaged their time? I was beginning to understand the grumbling. Thankfully, ROC didn't pay attention and personally autographed every item, to my knowledge.

I also learned that certain cast members (fan favorites) were not invited to participate in the "final" convention until the last minute (some not even then, so they actually "crashed" the Con with invited members) in favor of others who were not as popular. I guess I don't understand the reasoning of doing a fan event and not inviting cast members who the fans loved on the show and enjoy seeing in person. I mean I realize that Creation is all about the money they make but doesn't it follow that they would make more money by not disappointing or pissing off the fans? It does to me.

William Shatner was also at the Con doing a documentary on Xena fans. I'm not a Shatner fan, never have been and I'm even less of one now. He may have been pleasant with the people he interviewed but his crew was rude and condescending to a majority of the fans I witnessed them dealing with. And I have a feeling that when his "documentary" airs, a straight male spin is going to be put on what he really thinks of Xena fans. I hope I'm wrong.

Sunday was my day to spend at the actual Con. First thing in the morning, I had my picture taken with ROC (very sweet woman) and then settled in for the day in the main room. The big event was the appearance of "Xena" and "Gabrielle" together on stage for the "last" time. It was well worth the price of a day ticket. The fans finally got to see the happy ending they always wanted when Gabrielle proposed to Xena and Xena said yes. Then Lucy Lawless (Xena) grabbed Renee O'Connor, and bent her over backward for a kiss to seal the deal. Well...we're not too sure if they really kissed or not because, at the angle they were, no one seems to have gotten a clear shot. But, hey, as we used to say in the military, it was good enough for government work. Then Lucy said, "I've been waiting 17 years to do that!". The crowd erupted in a standing ovation. Lucy and Renee certainly do know how to play this crowd. :-D

After that, I had my photo taken with Lucy (a flippin' riot!), met up with some friends for dinner and then attended the Xena Con After Party, put on by fans and not Creation. A great time seemed to be had by all.

The next morning it was time to say goodbye to old and brand new friends and be on my way to Phoenix for a little R&R.

It will be interesting to see if there really is another Xena Con next year and, if there is, who attends and who doesn't. Unless I have other business in the area, I won't be one. I'm not a fan of businesses that so blatantly take advantage of their faithful consumers. I do realize and understand that not all Creation staff were involved but, unfortunately, even if it's just one person representing a company badly, it reflects on them all.

Happy New Year!

2011

2011 has been a banner year for me, creatively. I made 4 movies last year: Survived by... (written and produced), Never Gonna Let You Die (produced), Sticking Points (written) and Demon Unbound (co-written, produced, voice-over intro). I signed with Blue Feather who will publish my second novel, Clandestine, in 2012. I was a scriptie on a Doritos commercial hopeful and a non-speaking actor on a local commercial for a theater company which should be out early in 2012. I began working on a feature screenplay with a very talented young man which will also be completed and hopefully filmed next year. We reached our goal with the help of some very generous donors and will be able to get Survived by... into several film festivals next year.

I was featured in an article in the Columbus Dispatch regarding the women's clinic of the local VA. I was invited to speak at the Dallas Jewel Lesbian Book Club. I was inducted into the Royal Academy of Bards Hall of Fame. I am making connections in the local film community that will only make the creative endeavors more plentiful.

We got a cat - unexpectedly - this year. I've missed having a cat and, thankfully, she's an affectionate (albeit chatty) little thing. Liam's health seems great and we are fortunate to still have Nikki.

I've had some health issues but nothing that's killed me. Yet. :-D

But the best thing that happened in 2011 is that a baby was born into the family. My grandniece, Kady.

Life goes on.

Out with the old, in with the new.

Crash The Superbowl

Saturday, I worked on a Doritos commercial for a contest called Crash The Superbowl. If you click on the title, it should take you to our little entry (after the introduction).

If you go to the gallery, you can watch our competition. Settle in because there's a lot. We all think we have a shot, though.

http://www.crashthesuperbowl.com/#

It was a long, fun day - 13 hours for 30 seconds of film. It's a shame that the time is so short because there was a lot of fun footage that wasn't/couldn't be used. I was script supervisor so, even though I had to be there for the duration, I wasn't a part of the creativity process this time.

So, relax, open a bag of Doritos, watch our entry and send it to all your friends.

Here's the link, if clicking on the title doesn't work:

http://www.crashthesuperbowl.com/#/gallery/?video=11651

Another Open Letter To The VA

Tomorrow, I go for another medical evaluation at the Veterans Administration here in Columbus. This is the first of a two part eval, the second to take place a week from today. This will be my seventh attempt (second in Columbus) to have my 10% service-connected disability on my foot upgraded to something higher, to have my 0% service-connected disability related to my bladder also upgraded and to have them recognize and document that because I spent four months at Fort McClellan, Alabama rolling around in toxic dirt, eating toxic food, drinking toxic water and breathing toxic air in 1977/78 (60 Minutes called it the most toxic place on the planet because of good ol' Monsanto and the chemical school) that a good portion of my lingering medical issues could very well have been caused from that.

As I said, this will be my 7th appeal. I might as well write a letter of denial to myself and save the VA the time. On the off-chance that this actually might be 'lucky 7,' though, I'm going to go through with it. Only because I am putting new issues before them and I'm curious to see how they handle them. I am sure it will be with the same amount of 'honesty' they have in the past. Deny, deny, deny and if you cannot deny, then outright lie.

If I were to write another letter to the VA, it would probably say something like this:

Dear VA,

Thank you so much for the opportunity to once again go through the motions of pretending you actually want to see an honest outcome of an actual examination and a medical opinion of an examining physician who was literally in the same room when the evaluations were being conducted. However, after 6 denials since 2004, I am pretty much an expert at how this will work.

First of all, I'm sure you have a template in your files just for me. All you have to do is change the dates and the name of the physician...and of course the different evaluating VA. Other than that, all your denial letters are worded exactly the same.

Although I do have to say, I found the one I received last year pretty amusing, since you had me attending appointments at the VA in Tampa, Florida (even though I've never been to that one). I also found your sarcasm to the seriousness of my foot injury because I was wearing a "store-bought" foot brace rather funny - since that brace was issued to me by the White River Jct., VT VA Hospital. And then saying that you needed more information about me as a Gulf War veteran. The only "gulf" war I've ever been involved in was not paying too much at the pumps for Gulf Gas. Of course, if you actually communicated with other VAs and all had the same rules instead of acting like individual franchises, it might make a difference in the information you actually have. You also can't seem to make up your collective minds about whether vets with 10% service-connected disability gets free eyeglasses or not. They do in California and Delaware but not in Vermont, Pennsylvania or Ohio? Shouldn't it be one rule straight across the board? There were a few other issues, too. I'm sure I'll remember them once this is posted.

I often wonder if you go out of your way to ensure the examining/eval docs are the most obnoxious you can find. Or if you specifically schedule doctors who hail from a culture where women are openly disrespected and chattel, to do the female vet evaluations. You know, male docs that won't even look you in the eye, much less actually touch you to do an exam because it's against their religion? Or the good ol' boys who want to get even with you for having the audacity to "ruin" that good old boys club called the military because you wanted to do something other than the "usual" women's work and, even worse, wanted to be treated equally? Yeah...these guys are a barrel of sincerity when it comes to an honest evaluation. I often wonder why these doctors haven't been recruited by the special ops divisions because, clearly, they must have x-ray vision to be able to see the affected areas they are evaluating without having the patient remove any clothes, shoes or socks to see if there is any swelling or anything else they write down there is none of.

I also find statements such as: The injury has not changed in 30 years, not having frequent UTIs anymore has nothing to do with early onset incontinence, back pain is not a residual of foot injuries, Epstein-Barr Virus is a 'catch-all' doctors use when they cannot pinpoint the actual problem...

Common sense - not a medical degree - tells you that all injuries change over 30 years - especially if they involve the feet. Maybe I don't have frequent UTIs anymore because urine doesn't stay in my bladder long enough to leave bacteria. And I don't even know how to respond to bad feet not causing some back pain. I thought that was common knowledge. I guess that's what I get for thinking. As for the EBV? You don't have to take my or a civilian doctor's word for it; there is a blood test for it!

I also suspect that with these new issues that I'm asking about, there will be excuses for that, too. Even though Monsanto settled with the town of Anniston (next to McClellan) because of the sickness and death the plant caused there, Uncle Sam wants the vets who ate, drank, breathed and low-crawled in the exact same toxic environment to believe they (we) weren't affected by it. Thankfully, a group of affected female vets pushed hard to get this issue to Washington and Rep. Paul Tonko introduced the Fort McClellan Health Registry Act. What this means is that you cannot deny that there was toxic contamination at McClellan. I take that back - you can (and probably will) deny it but there is proof that the toxicity did, indeed, exist. There is also a published list of medical issues that can be connected to toxic exposure. I have 19 of those ailments. And I'm one of the lucky ones because, to my knowledge, none have evolved into anything deadly. Most of which you have treated me for at one of your VAs so they are on record. Records I know will be suddenly difficult for you to locate because, like I said, you act like you have no intranet between the facilities.

For example: Purpura, pre-cancerous moles (6 of which have been removed), head cysts, kidney cysts, diverticulitis/diverticulosis, eye sensitivity to bright light and snow, plantar fasciitis, scarlet fever, swollen joints, early onset bursitis/arthritis of back and hips, GERD, migraines, habitually abnormal pap smears, incontinence, supraventricular tachycardia and depression were ALL diagnosed by your facilities, yet you want ME to provide proof that these ailments/conditions exist. If I remember correctly, an arbitrating judge from Washington, D.C., appeared at a hearing in White River Jct and ordered you to make all of my medical files available. I guess, in a way, it's good to know that you take a judge as seriously as you take your veterans.

And while I'm on the subject of your facilities, let's talk about your health workers and their attitudes. This doesn't apply to all of your employees, of course, but it does apply to a pretty good percentage. I wish that the only people you were allowed to hire were veterans because they understand why other veterans are the way they are. Employees who are vets wouldn't dare treat another vet as though he or she is a leech off the government or as though they are a bother. Employees who are veterans understand that when you raised your right hand to protect and defend your country, that a promise was made to give back to you for your service.

It is my opinion that any civilian health worker who has a veteran for a patient should feel privileged and grateful to be treating an individual who would have died for them, to protect their freedoms (and unfortunately, that freedom also includes thinking some people are "beneath" you in social stature). This attitude seems to be extremely popular to the younger employees who never served. It needs to stop.

What also needs to stop is VA employees who take it upon themselves to shove their religion down the throats of veterans who they feel are 'sinful.' The last thing a vet needs when asking for help is to be judged and persecuted by a misguided individual who needs to be put in their place by a supervisor or fired. You want to preach religion? Work at a church, not a VA.

I'm also curious as to why it took a congressional mandate to finally start developing women's clinics at the VA. After all these years, and more female vets than ever, did you still think women enlisting was a phase? Because that's what it seems like.

The VA system is failing its veterans. Instead of pushing to advocate for those who gave, the VA powers that be in D.C. are pushing to eliminate. Soldiers are giving everything, sometimes their lives, and when it comes time for the government to give back, you seem to do everything within your power to minimize and deny requests that ask for compensation to help with what Uncle Sam took from us. Do promises mean nothing to you? It's not that we're not grateful for the services of the VA system but there's no quid pro quo. The VA needs to show a little gratitude, too.

Especially to those who are coming back from a bogus war. They should be treated with the most dignity because they never should have been sent to Iraq in the first place. If I had my way, the Bush Administration would be paying health and psychological care for these vets with the blood money from their own personal accounts.

But that's a rant for another day.

So, VA, when I darken your doors again tomorrow, I'm going to hope for the best but expect the worst, as usual. I hope I will be pleasantly disappointed.

Until you do right by me and other vets (who are a hell of a lot worse off than I am), I will continue to be,

The Bain of Your Existence.

Nittany Lyin'

As the Penn State sexual abuse scandal grows, so does the shadow of shame on the community of State College, Pennsylvania. At first, it appeared it was just the school who seemed to have failed in many senses of the word. Now, as more is being revealed, what is coming to light is that town and state officials were just as invested in the cover up as the university was. All of these people who were in fiduciary positions and ones sworn to protect the most innocent among us betrayed that trust in the name of football and the reputation of a school.

Or so it might seem.

Although as horrifyingly shocking as all this is, now that all of the nuts and bolts of it are being laid out for everyone to see, I have to say I'm not surprised at the lengths everyone has gone to protect the reputation of Joe Paterno, the legend, and the legacy of Penn State football at the expense of the violated children. Let's not forget that Penn State was Joe Paterno. He held more power at that school that anyone in the whole state holds over any position. If Joe Paterno had held Penn State's hand to the fire when all this started, he would be a hero, not the disgrace he is now.

I have often said that - except for Philadelphia and Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania is still fighting the civil war...on the side of the south. After living in the Harrisburg area (Carlisle, more precisely), I was stunned at how I felt as though I'd been transported back in time. Certainly all modern technology applied and was up to date but attitudes certainly were not.

My former partner, Dottie, and I moved to Carlisle the year Adam (our son) died. We moved there to be closer to her parents, to work on repairing their relationship after Dottie had come out to them two years earlier. We thought it was a good move. I was about to learn just how backward the attitude there really was.

Dottie and I were both 'out' when we lived in Vermont. Our circle of friends - the family we chose - were either 'out' couples or straight-but-not-narrow people. We hadn't lived in Carlisle too long before we both discovered that, for our own safety and peace of mind, we needed to be discreet regarding who we told about our orientation and relationship with each other.

When we went to work, in a factory that made tiny motors for, like, blender or hand vac motors, we were both hired for the assembly line. Both of us, in our 40s, applied for work there, already having supervisory and management experience under our belts, applied for supervisory positions and could get no more than a minimum wage, entry level position on graveyard shift. I discovered quickly that the women in this factory were talked down to and treated like dirt beneath the feet of the male supervisors and the other men who worked there who were also entry level, minimum wage workers. And the women accepted it because it was what they were used to. I remember getting a group of women so fired up one day, they started calling me Norma Rae because I stood up to the supervisors who were so dismissive. Suffice to say Dottie and I didn't last too long in that job.

There were issues that drove us individually to try and file complaints against the company for discrimination and unfair labor practices. The man we attempted to complain to at the Harrisburg State Capitol Building was insulting and snide and told us that the job could treat us any way it wanted to. And damned if he wasn't right with that job and the next one we had. We were women. We were not taken seriously.

I was learning quickly that Pennsylvania had barely made it to the 20th Century, there was no way they were ever going to make it to the 21st. And clearly, except for the two cities mentioned above, they still have not.

Before our escape back into a more modern, civilized society, I had my eyes open to a few other atrocities. And bear with me, I'm getting to why I'm not really surprised at how people behaved and are trying to justify their behavior regarding the Penn State Scandal. The attitude that women were placed on earth for the sole purpose of serving men was only equalled by the hatred and discrimination of minorities. Still. The "N" word is still alive and well in PA. As of 2005, non-whites were still being asked to leave places like the "Eagles Club" regardless of whether or not the person being ejected was a member or not. And there was no one in town to complain to.

Before I continue, let me just say that Dottie's mom got to love me (and vice versa) very much before she died. Her mom was willing to see things beyond the scope and not quite be so traditional when it came to what seeme to be customary in that neck of the woods. Not so much for her dad.

Dottie's parents were church going, Christian people. They were what I consider 'old world' where you ate, breathed, slept and drank whatever your minister said. Unfortunately, their minister preached against not only the sinful homosexual lifestyle but women as equals, as well. Dottie's parents would have preferred that she stay with Adam's father, a lying, cheating, misogynist megalomaniac who treated Dottie like shit and only played father to Adam when people were looking, as opposed to her being with a woman who loved their daughter unconditionally and "adopted" Adam as her own. It mattered none that Adam showed anyone who would look and listen that I was more of a parent to him than his father ever was. It mattered none that, even though they never liked Adam's father, they preferred she had stayed married to him and be miserable than find her happiness with a woman. It didn't matter that he was abusive; he was a man and that's how things were supposed to be.

Dottie had an older sister who was married and had two children. Dottie's sister and brother-in-law considered themselves true "christians". When Dottie's sister discovered that Dottie was a lesbian, she made it a point to make a phone call to Dottie and tell her that she (we) were going to go to Hell because we were an abomination and all that happy horseshit. That really wasn't a surprise. What was a surprise was that, when it came time for Adam to have a bone marrow transplant, we were told that a related donor match would be Adam's best chance for survival. Neither Dottie nor Adam's father were a match. Adam's half-brother was not a match. All of Adam's relatives on his father's side of the family were tested and were not a match. Dottie's "christian" sister refused to be tested or allow her children to be tested to see if they were a bone marrow match for Adam. Adam received two bone marrow transplants and a cord blood transplant from unrelated donors. Adam didn't survive. Dottie's "christian" sister told her it was God's punishment to her for being a lesbian. We were perverts.

Dottie's parents never interfered. They didn't want to ruffle any feathers.

When Dottie's niece and nephew were in their early teens, her niece began to miss a lot of school. At first, we thought her niece may have just been depressed from living in the family home, as dysfunctional as it was. Dottie's sister was a prescription drug abuser and her brother-in-law was monster who manipulated bible verses to ensure he got his way in his household. One day, after a discussion with Dottie's mother, we began to suspect sexual abuse was occurring in the sister's home, added to the other abuses going on there. Dottie had an opportunity to question her niece who revealed bits and pieces of events that pretty much confirmed the kids were being sexually abused by their own parents. We brought the situation up to Dottie's parents and A) they didn't seem surprised and B) they didn't want to get involved.

We then contacted local child services and the niece's school to see what could be done about removing the niece and nephew from the abusive situation. We were told that, without proof, there was nothing we could do. We asked about reporting to the police and having the kids removed and examined. We were told not without the parents permission. ???!!! We reiterated that it was the parents we suspected of being the abusers. We were then told that, in a situation like that, the grandparents could override the parents. We knew contacting Dottie's brother-in-law's parents would be useless as they thought he walked on water. So we went back to Dottie's parents. They refused. Although they believed it might have been happening, it was a "family thing" and they didn't want to ignite the wrath of Dottie's sister. They felt she might keep the grandchildren away so they wouldn't back us up. We went back to child services for direction. Child services called Dottie's sister, told her what we suspected and she told them that we were perverts and she didn't want us anywhere near her children.

We know now that we were right, that her niece and nephew were being sexually abused by both parents. And the state refused to intervene because the parents said it was a lie and the grandparents refused to get involved. What's worse is that later, when both the niece and nephew had children of their own, Dottie's brother-in-law continued the abuse onto his grandchildren. There were many incidents but the one that stands out is that he took pictures of his 4-year-old grandson, naked, and sent them to his son from a first marriage who was in prison. We found this out when the prison opened the mail and halted the photos from ever getting to the intended recipient and somehow, the nephew and his wife were notified (if the prison - which is in Florida - notified the authorities in PA, the PA authorities did nothing to investigate it...which, again, would be no big surprise). The only response from Dottie's nephew? He "spoke" to his dad. ??? The first daughter of the nephew and his wife - at 3 - couldn't keep her hands away from her genitals and had constant urinary tract infections and other indications of sexual abuse. After the little girl had spent time with her grandfather. We went to great lengths to point out to Dottie's nephew and his wife that we felt brother-in-law was sexually abusing their daughter and their son. But...they wouldn't report it (and experience told us that our reporting it would get nowhere). It was a "family" thing to be dealt with privately and not brought out to the public. Yet, even suspecting the abuse was going on, they would not refuse access to their children by Dottie's brother-in-law, the children's grandfather.

But Dottie and I were the perverts.

Because in Pennsylvania, it seems, sexual abuse of children is something that is a "family" issue or an issue that should be swept under the rug and not spoken about or rectified. It's something one keeps under the radar because, heaven forbid it comes out and ruin the reputation of the offending adult and the others helping to cover it up. The way in PA seems to be that they protect the adults at all costs but the children are on their own.

And when an outside source tries to do the right thing, yet has no power, the powers that be would rather pretend it doesn't exist rather than to bring shame on an entity. It seems to be the way of the land. Authority figures would rather err on the side of the (usually male) adults.

So, no, I am not surprised that everyone thought they were righteous in trying to cover up Jerry Sandusky's evil deeds and trying to protect the great Joe Paterno from facing the firestorm doing only what was required of him. The Penn State family was trying to sweep it under the rug because it was a "family" issue that the public need not know. Regardless of who was suffering.

What's worse is that I am sure that the number of people who are involved in the scandal and cover-up don't really understand why they're being touted as the bad guys. From my experience, it's how they're brought up, it's what they're used to.

I think Pennsylvania is still kicking and screaming its way into the 20th Century. Maybe, in a hundred years, they'll move into the 21st. But only if powerful men are still in charge. In the meantime, the victims will continue to suffer.

Catching Up

I have slacked off in keeping up with my blog. There has been so much going on but now that I have a chance to catch up, I can't remember half of it.

The thrills of getting older. ::Sigh::

Well, we now have a cat to add to our four-legged fur family. We hadn't intended on getting one just yet but, as all things happen with us, the element of the unexpected constantly keeps us on our toes.

One day, one of Brenda's customers pointed out this adorable tiny adult black cat that had shown up on her porch. The kitty was clawless on all four paws and had a skin condition that caused her to lose fur above both eyes, on the backs of her legs and a big patch on her belly. The people whose porch the cat took up residence on already had two cats and two dogs so they couldn't keep her. The woman put 'Found Cat' ads up all over, including on Craig's List but no one contacted her to claim the cat. Brenda then called me and said, "How do you feel about a cat?"

That is how Belladonna Bossy Pants came to join our family. We took her to the vets and had her examined and chipped (whoever had her before had not done that. Please, all of you who have totally indoor cats, have them chipped. If they ever get out, you'll be able to find them if they show up at any shelter), had her shots done and brought her home. Her fur has started to grow back and she seems happy here. We think she is a black Siamese. And we think she may have been the pet of an elderly person who may have died and the family didn't want to deal with the cat. The loss of fur turned out to be a stress/anxiety issue but other than that, this little kitty, who is about 3 years old, was very well taken care of.

Now she's ours and everyone is adjusting, including the dogs. Nikki is jealous because Belladonna can get on our laps and on the bed at night and Nikki can't. Nikki cant't chase her but she can bark up a storm. Liam thinks we got her just for him as a playmate. And he doesn't understand why she won't play. Our only complaint is that she talks all the time. But mostly in the middle of the night. She jumps on the bed, announces her arrival and doesn't shut up.

Other than that, it's all good! Why Belladonna? It just seemed fitting for a black cat found near Halloween. The Bossy Pants is self-explanatory. >^..^<

***

http://www.imdb.com/video/wab/vi2998378265/

I did another 48-type-hour-film festival but this time not for anything local. It was a Producer's Guild of America contest called "Produce This!" The rules had the same parameters as a 48, just on a bigger scale as this was an international competition as opposed to a local one. If you copy and paste the link above, you'll be able to see the short film, written by me and Rick Renner. It was written on a Friday night, filmed on a Saturday, edited and submitted on a Sunday. It could only be about 5 minutes long. The IMDb site has the movie listed as Rifts but it's really entitled Demon Unbound.

The ending credit song is my composition and the voiceover in the beginning is me. We haven't heard whether it won anything or not.

***

We also reached our fundraising goal with Survived by... on our deadline thanks to some amazing people who donated their hard earned money to help this film come to fruition. No matter how many times I say it, I just can't thank them enough.

We are still working on Survived by... post production. We have run into a few minor glitches but nothing that will stop this film from getting out there and seen. First, independent, no budget films are a lot more complicated than anything else because you really learn a lot from the your inexperience. But, that said, we've still got a pretty damn good little film on our hands.

The artwork is of my precious grandniece, Kady Lyn.

There is so much more to catch up on. I just wish I could remember what it was...