Nittany Lyin'

As the Penn State sexual abuse scandal grows, so does the shadow of shame on the community of State College, Pennsylvania. At first, it appeared it was just the school who seemed to have failed in many senses of the word. Now, as more is being revealed, what is coming to light is that town and state officials were just as invested in the cover up as the university was. All of these people who were in fiduciary positions and ones sworn to protect the most innocent among us betrayed that trust in the name of football and the reputation of a school.

Or so it might seem.

Although as horrifyingly shocking as all this is, now that all of the nuts and bolts of it are being laid out for everyone to see, I have to say I'm not surprised at the lengths everyone has gone to protect the reputation of Joe Paterno, the legend, and the legacy of Penn State football at the expense of the violated children. Let's not forget that Penn State was Joe Paterno. He held more power at that school that anyone in the whole state holds over any position. If Joe Paterno had held Penn State's hand to the fire when all this started, he would be a hero, not the disgrace he is now.

I have often said that - except for Philadelphia and Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania is still fighting the civil war...on the side of the south. After living in the Harrisburg area (Carlisle, more precisely), I was stunned at how I felt as though I'd been transported back in time. Certainly all modern technology applied and was up to date but attitudes certainly were not.

My former partner, Dottie, and I moved to Carlisle the year Adam (our son) died. We moved there to be closer to her parents, to work on repairing their relationship after Dottie had come out to them two years earlier. We thought it was a good move. I was about to learn just how backward the attitude there really was.

Dottie and I were both 'out' when we lived in Vermont. Our circle of friends - the family we chose - were either 'out' couples or straight-but-not-narrow people. We hadn't lived in Carlisle too long before we both discovered that, for our own safety and peace of mind, we needed to be discreet regarding who we told about our orientation and relationship with each other.

When we went to work, in a factory that made tiny motors for, like, blender or hand vac motors, we were both hired for the assembly line. Both of us, in our 40s, applied for work there, already having supervisory and management experience under our belts, applied for supervisory positions and could get no more than a minimum wage, entry level position on graveyard shift. I discovered quickly that the women in this factory were talked down to and treated like dirt beneath the feet of the male supervisors and the other men who worked there who were also entry level, minimum wage workers. And the women accepted it because it was what they were used to. I remember getting a group of women so fired up one day, they started calling me Norma Rae because I stood up to the supervisors who were so dismissive. Suffice to say Dottie and I didn't last too long in that job.

There were issues that drove us individually to try and file complaints against the company for discrimination and unfair labor practices. The man we attempted to complain to at the Harrisburg State Capitol Building was insulting and snide and told us that the job could treat us any way it wanted to. And damned if he wasn't right with that job and the next one we had. We were women. We were not taken seriously.

I was learning quickly that Pennsylvania had barely made it to the 20th Century, there was no way they were ever going to make it to the 21st. And clearly, except for the two cities mentioned above, they still have not.

Before our escape back into a more modern, civilized society, I had my eyes open to a few other atrocities. And bear with me, I'm getting to why I'm not really surprised at how people behaved and are trying to justify their behavior regarding the Penn State Scandal. The attitude that women were placed on earth for the sole purpose of serving men was only equalled by the hatred and discrimination of minorities. Still. The "N" word is still alive and well in PA. As of 2005, non-whites were still being asked to leave places like the "Eagles Club" regardless of whether or not the person being ejected was a member or not. And there was no one in town to complain to.

Before I continue, let me just say that Dottie's mom got to love me (and vice versa) very much before she died. Her mom was willing to see things beyond the scope and not quite be so traditional when it came to what seeme to be customary in that neck of the woods. Not so much for her dad.

Dottie's parents were church going, Christian people. They were what I consider 'old world' where you ate, breathed, slept and drank whatever your minister said. Unfortunately, their minister preached against not only the sinful homosexual lifestyle but women as equals, as well. Dottie's parents would have preferred that she stay with Adam's father, a lying, cheating, misogynist megalomaniac who treated Dottie like shit and only played father to Adam when people were looking, as opposed to her being with a woman who loved their daughter unconditionally and "adopted" Adam as her own. It mattered none that Adam showed anyone who would look and listen that I was more of a parent to him than his father ever was. It mattered none that, even though they never liked Adam's father, they preferred she had stayed married to him and be miserable than find her happiness with a woman. It didn't matter that he was abusive; he was a man and that's how things were supposed to be.

Dottie had an older sister who was married and had two children. Dottie's sister and brother-in-law considered themselves true "christians". When Dottie's sister discovered that Dottie was a lesbian, she made it a point to make a phone call to Dottie and tell her that she (we) were going to go to Hell because we were an abomination and all that happy horseshit. That really wasn't a surprise. What was a surprise was that, when it came time for Adam to have a bone marrow transplant, we were told that a related donor match would be Adam's best chance for survival. Neither Dottie nor Adam's father were a match. Adam's half-brother was not a match. All of Adam's relatives on his father's side of the family were tested and were not a match. Dottie's "christian" sister refused to be tested or allow her children to be tested to see if they were a bone marrow match for Adam. Adam received two bone marrow transplants and a cord blood transplant from unrelated donors. Adam didn't survive. Dottie's "christian" sister told her it was God's punishment to her for being a lesbian. We were perverts.

Dottie's parents never interfered. They didn't want to ruffle any feathers.

When Dottie's niece and nephew were in their early teens, her niece began to miss a lot of school. At first, we thought her niece may have just been depressed from living in the family home, as dysfunctional as it was. Dottie's sister was a prescription drug abuser and her brother-in-law was monster who manipulated bible verses to ensure he got his way in his household. One day, after a discussion with Dottie's mother, we began to suspect sexual abuse was occurring in the sister's home, added to the other abuses going on there. Dottie had an opportunity to question her niece who revealed bits and pieces of events that pretty much confirmed the kids were being sexually abused by their own parents. We brought the situation up to Dottie's parents and A) they didn't seem surprised and B) they didn't want to get involved.

We then contacted local child services and the niece's school to see what could be done about removing the niece and nephew from the abusive situation. We were told that, without proof, there was nothing we could do. We asked about reporting to the police and having the kids removed and examined. We were told not without the parents permission. ???!!! We reiterated that it was the parents we suspected of being the abusers. We were then told that, in a situation like that, the grandparents could override the parents. We knew contacting Dottie's brother-in-law's parents would be useless as they thought he walked on water. So we went back to Dottie's parents. They refused. Although they believed it might have been happening, it was a "family thing" and they didn't want to ignite the wrath of Dottie's sister. They felt she might keep the grandchildren away so they wouldn't back us up. We went back to child services for direction. Child services called Dottie's sister, told her what we suspected and she told them that we were perverts and she didn't want us anywhere near her children.

We know now that we were right, that her niece and nephew were being sexually abused by both parents. And the state refused to intervene because the parents said it was a lie and the grandparents refused to get involved. What's worse is that later, when both the niece and nephew had children of their own, Dottie's brother-in-law continued the abuse onto his grandchildren. There were many incidents but the one that stands out is that he took pictures of his 4-year-old grandson, naked, and sent them to his son from a first marriage who was in prison. We found this out when the prison opened the mail and halted the photos from ever getting to the intended recipient and somehow, the nephew and his wife were notified (if the prison - which is in Florida - notified the authorities in PA, the PA authorities did nothing to investigate it...which, again, would be no big surprise). The only response from Dottie's nephew? He "spoke" to his dad. ??? The first daughter of the nephew and his wife - at 3 - couldn't keep her hands away from her genitals and had constant urinary tract infections and other indications of sexual abuse. After the little girl had spent time with her grandfather. We went to great lengths to point out to Dottie's nephew and his wife that we felt brother-in-law was sexually abusing their daughter and their son. But...they wouldn't report it (and experience told us that our reporting it would get nowhere). It was a "family" thing to be dealt with privately and not brought out to the public. Yet, even suspecting the abuse was going on, they would not refuse access to their children by Dottie's brother-in-law, the children's grandfather.

But Dottie and I were the perverts.

Because in Pennsylvania, it seems, sexual abuse of children is something that is a "family" issue or an issue that should be swept under the rug and not spoken about or rectified. It's something one keeps under the radar because, heaven forbid it comes out and ruin the reputation of the offending adult and the others helping to cover it up. The way in PA seems to be that they protect the adults at all costs but the children are on their own.

And when an outside source tries to do the right thing, yet has no power, the powers that be would rather pretend it doesn't exist rather than to bring shame on an entity. It seems to be the way of the land. Authority figures would rather err on the side of the (usually male) adults.

So, no, I am not surprised that everyone thought they were righteous in trying to cover up Jerry Sandusky's evil deeds and trying to protect the great Joe Paterno from facing the firestorm doing only what was required of him. The Penn State family was trying to sweep it under the rug because it was a "family" issue that the public need not know. Regardless of who was suffering.

What's worse is that I am sure that the number of people who are involved in the scandal and cover-up don't really understand why they're being touted as the bad guys. From my experience, it's how they're brought up, it's what they're used to.

I think Pennsylvania is still kicking and screaming its way into the 20th Century. Maybe, in a hundred years, they'll move into the 21st. But only if powerful men are still in charge. In the meantime, the victims will continue to suffer.